Here's My Broken Hallelujah

I can barely stand right now.

Everything is crashing down,

And I wonder where You are.

I try to find the words to pray.

I don't always know what to say,

But You're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,

I know You make beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.

On my knees, I call Your name.

Here's my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto,

I raise these empty hands to You.

Here's my broken hallelujah.

You know the things that have brought me here.

You know the story of every tear.

‘Cause You've been here from the very start.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,

I know You make beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.

On my knees, I call Your name.

Here's my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto,

I raise these empty hands to You.

Here's my broken hallelujah.

When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.

Let me always sing Hallelujah

When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased

Let me always sing Hallelujah.

Let me always sing Hallelujah.

I will always sing

I will always sing

Here's my broken hallelujah.

Rallying the Troops

Please join me as I pray for baby Stellan. He's a precious 5-month-old who is very sick with a critical heart condition. He's been in the hospital for nearly two weeks struggling to have a normal heart beat. I have been a regular reader of MckMama's blog since Stellan nearly perished in the womb this past summer. Readers all over the globe joined forces as they stormed Heaven's gates in prayer for the unborn Stellan, and the Lord healed him completely. Stellan was born full-term and completely healthy, contrary to what all of the doctors (sadly) assured would happen.

The same heart defect that Stellan had in the womb has returned. And we need even more prayer warriors to battle together for Stellan's little life. Our God is BIG, and He can do all things. We are all confident that Stellan is a miracle baby, and that our Lord has plans for his existence. Whether He brings Stellan safely Home, or heals his tiny heart, let's just pray that it is done quickly and easily. This whole situation is so difficult for MckMama and her family (three other children four-years-old and younger). We can make a difference with our petitions in prayer on their behalf.

Here is a news article from their local news, yesterday, if you are interested in an overview of the current crisis. Or you can just check out her blog for the whole situation and frequent updates. Please, please, please help save this little boys life - again.

Spiritual Warfare

I'm a firm believer in Spiritual Warfare. I truly believe, with all my heart, that there is a spiritual battle going on all around us, in which angels and demons wage war against each other in a fight for our allegiance. This is a fairly new concept for me, as I have recently delved deeper into study about the subject. Brad and I began discussing the influence of Satan and his angels about a year ago when he started reading some of John Eldredge's books. Then, the idea started coming up more frequently in church Sermons. About that time, as I worked through my reading list, I got to Screwtape Letters, a fictional book by C.S. Lewis based around the premise of "one expereienced demon teaching a apprentice demon how to triumph over God," and it gave me an interesting perspective on the various techniques that might be employed by the Deceiver. Finally, our most recent Sunday morning Bible class was focused exclusively on Spiritual Warfare. I could tell that God wanted me to get the message. And I listened.

So, fast forward to this morning, and the battle that was waged right around my computer at work. I know, sounds silly, right? But hey, I already stated that I'm a firm believer in spiritual warfare, and, as I understand it, Satan and his followers will do anything and use any situation, even small and insignificant ones, to discourage us and distract us from our Joy and Purpose. He definitely does not want us to be passionate for our Savior in any way.

Well, it just so happens that I've been a little bit on fire about my faith lately. My Father has been working wonders in my heart the past few months. I have the greatest church family that has nourished my spirituality; I have the most incredible friends that have encouraged my relationship with my Lord. And I have been exposed to the insights of Ray Vander Laan ("RVL") and his ministry, That The World May Know, first through friends and then (coincidentally?) through a video series in our current Wednesday night Bible study. I'm pretty pumped about all of the things I'm learning and the different ways in which my faith is growing. Needless to say, I'm anxious to share it with people.

I came to work today excited to introduce Bryan (a fellow Christian with whom I frequently share my faith) to RVL for the first time and specifically discuss the lesson from last night's Bible study. When he passed by my desk as the day began, I mentioned it to him briefly and told him that I couldn't wait to really talk about it later. He was genuinely interested and excited.

I should have known. Not only does the devil want to squelch my enthusiasm, but he also would go to great lengths to keep whatever zeal I had to myself and not share it with anybody else. So, he started out slowly - my email didn't work. Eh, not a big deal. I was a little frustrated, but you can go on with your day even if your email is on the fritz. Just give it time, and it'll work itself out. I didn't think a thing about it. 1st attempt: failed.

It's Busy Season here at the accounting firm (April 15 is coming quickly, people!) and it's kind of like a mad house around here. Even though it was the start of the day, the phone wouldn't stop and clients were filing in one after another. I nearly grew overwhelmed, but the memory of this beautiful weather that I had just enjoyed on my commute in (and my exceptionally short commute, thanks to spring break traffic) was too close at hand. And besides, having a busy job is something to be grateful for, especially in this economy. I still felt Joy. So, that tactic didn't phase me one bit. 2nd attempt: failed.

Here comes the doosey. As I was placing one call on hold to answer another line, my keyboard stand broke. It just broke. It was no longer peacefully hovering under my desk, but was rather dangling vertically as my keyboard slammed onto my lap, and then my feet, before finally landing on the floor. "Whoa! What just happened! That was random..." Hmm. No big deal. Bryan, our resident handy man can fix anything. After I handled the clients on the phone, I buzzed Bryan and let him know about the commotion that had just occurred up front, and he came right up to check it out. Wow, what a great opportunity to talk further about last night's lesson, while he looks at the mangled mess under my desk. 3rd attempt: totally backfired.

Looks like it's broken beyond repair and we'll have to install a new one. As a result, my keyboard is rudely hogging all of my desk space as we speak. That's that. Moving on. It's only 9:10 AM, and time to go forward with the day. After a great discussion with Bryan, I tried to get back on track with my tasks at hand. Wait-a-minute... my mouse is dead. Just dead. As a doornail. Urgh. Time to call Bryan, our IT guy. He can fix anything. 4th attempt: dumb devil, you should just give up and leave us alone.

Apparently, my batteries just died. Easy fix. He gave me some fresh-out-of-the-package AA's and I popped 'em in ready to get to work. Huh, that's weird. Why is it still not working?? The fresh set should have fixed the problem. By this time, I'm getting on to Satan's scheme. A light bulb goes off, and I become fully aware of the situation at hand. I'm not only in a great mood, but on fire for my Lord. And I'm trying to share some sparks with a fellow believer. Of course the Enemy would want to distract and discourage me! I say a little prayer. "Lord, I know that there is more going on here than meets my eye. I'm aware that it's just silly computer problems, but I believe that Satan or, at least, one of his followers is trying to rob me of my joy and steal the opportunity to share my zeal. Cast him away from this place."

Well, up comes Bryan again to wiggle some cords, jiggle some hooks and rearrange my mouse sensor. Huh, that's all it took to make it work like a charm? Very interesting... We both laugh as we acknowledge the triumph that has just taken place in a realm we cannot see, and we happily arrange for me to bring him a copy of the video series from our church library. We're anxious to further discuss our growth in our faith, and we are grateful for the blessing of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

I can't help but find it interesting how God defeated each of the devil's plans. God wanted me to have that conversation with Bryan. Clearly, Satan didn't. I feel a great sense of "neener, neener, neener" when I understand that every attempt the devil made to take me away from the situation, the Lord used it to bring Bryan back up to my desk! I have a big God, and He can do all things, and His Will will prevail. No attempt from the Evil One can defeat Him. Isn't it nice to know that we're on the Winning Team? Now, it's 9:45. What else is the devil going to try to pull on me today?...

Grandpa "S" Update **UPDATED**

**UPDATE** Here is the latest letter from Elaine about her dad:

Hi, all!
I just spoke to Grandma and Grandpa. Grandpa went back to the doctor today as a follow-up to his hospital stay earlier this week. The doctor said that the CAT scan showed that healing has begun in his back! He really didn't have too much to say about the other things the CAT scan had showed (i.e. gall stones, fluid on lungs, etc.). Again, the antibiotics are taking care of those things. His next appt. with the doctor will be in 2 weeks.

Grandma did say that Grandpa hasn't felt very good today, and that he had an upset stomach after lunch. Whether that was a result of the gall bladder inflamation or a reaction to the strong antibiotics that he is on is hard to say. Please continue to pray for both of them--they are both sounding very tired.
Thanks for all you are doing.
Love,
Mom

He continues to improve. Praise the Lord! I am so thankful for your faithful prayers and support! (Updated 3/13/09)

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Yesterday, I received the following update from my mother-in-law about her father:

Hi,
As you all know Grandpa was readmitted to the hospital last night. Grandma said that throughout the course of the day yesterday he began to feel worse and worse. He couldn't really say what was the matter, just that he didn't feel good. [...] The doctor sent him to the hospital and ordered a CAT can to make sure his bowels weren't impacted. From the CAT scan they were able to see that his gall bladder is inflamed and that he has some gall stones. There was also some fluid on his lungs. He has been on IV antibiotics since he went into the hospital last night.

At noon today they ran more blood work to check his white blood cell count and whatever else they can tell from blood work. All of his blood work looked really good!His numbers are back in line with where they should be. They went ahead and released him to go home this afternoon. He will still be on antibiotics for a while, and has to go back to the doctor tomorrow for a follow up appointment. Grandma said the gall bladder issue and the fluid were not a concern at this point. I guess the antibiotics will take care of both problems for now.

Thank you all for your prayers and concerns. I know Grandma and Grandpa appreciate knowing that they are not going through all of this alone!
Love,
Mom

I wanted to share this with all of you, because I know many of you have been praying on his behalf, as well. Praise God that everything looks alright for now. Please continue to pray for his comfort and overall health. I appreciate it more than you know. To God be the glory!

Prayers for Grandpa "S"

Last Tuesday, Brad's grandfather (80+ years old) fell while he was in his still-groggy state shortly after waking up. They took him to the emergency room and learned that he had a Grade 1 (mild) compression fracture in the L1 vertebrae in his lower back and was in severe pain with very limited movement. He has spent the last week at home on a medical bed in his living room with regular visits from a physical therapist. It has been a difficult week for him, and for grandma who is trying to take care of him as best as she can.

First thing this morning, I got a text from my father-in-law letting me know that they had taken Grandpa back to the hospital. His white blood cell count was 1700, which is apparently double what it should have been; this means that there is a possibility for infection. In addition, they found some fluid on his lung. They are supposed to be running some more tests today to see what is going on and if he'll be okay. Grandpa and Grandma "S" live in Texas with most of the family. However, Brad's parents are hours away in Indiana, and Brad and I, along with Brad's two brothers live here in Nashville. We're all scattered about and can't really offer much help. Regardless, we are all praying for his health and safety. It is the least (most) we can do. Would you please join me?

Welcoming Change

Well, today we bid farewell to one era as we welcome in another. For nearly as long as I can remember, George W. Bush has held the seat of presidency. It was bizarre to hear him referred to as Former President Bush, today, but that is exactly who he is now and will forever remain. President Barack Obama accepted the title today in the largest Inauguration this nation has ever seen as over a million citizens gathered in Washington DC to witness this moment in history. I have to admit, even over broadcast television, it felt surreal to observe such a monumental incident.

Regardless of my (minimal) political offiliation, Obama is the leader of our nation, and I greatly respect that position. Even though I don't agree with many of his stances, I will join the rest of my country in supporting our new president and place the future of our nation in his hands. I do have hope that he can join America where we have created chasms among us, and that he can reestablish good standings with many other parts of the world where we have broken ties.

However, I want to remind the people that there is only One Savior, and that is Jesus Christ. No man, not even Barack Obama as the President of the United States of America, can provide us with True Freedom.

I will continue to pray for our One Nation Under God, as well as our new leader, and I hope you will join me. With that in mind, I especially appreciated Rick Warren's Inaugural Invocation for our President and Nation. See the transcript in the post below, or click here to view the prayer.

Rick Warren's Inaugural Invocation, 2009

Let us pray.

Almighty God, our Father, everything we see and everything we can’t see exists because of you alone. It all comes from you. It all belongs to you. It all exists for your glory.

History is your story. The Scripture tells us, “Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God. The Lord is One.” And you are the compassionate and merciful one. And you are loving to everyone you have made.

Now, today, we rejoice not only in America’s peaceful transfer of power for the 44th time. We celebrate a hingepoint of history with the inauguration of our first African American president of the United States. We are so grateful to live in this land, a land of unequaled possibility, where the son of an African immigrant can rise to the highest level of our leadership. And we know today that Dr. King and a great cloud of witnesses are shouting in heaven.

Give to our new President, Barack Obama, the wisdom to lead us with humility, the courage to lead us with integrity, the compassion to lead us with generosity. Bless and protect him, his family, Vice President Biden, the cabinet, and every one of our freely elected leaders.

Help us, O God, to remember that we are Americans, united not by race, or religion, or blood, but by our commitment to freedom and justice for all. When we focus on ourselves, when we fight each other, when we forget You, forgive us. When we presume that our greatness and our prosperity is ours alone, forgive us. When we fail to treat our fellow human beings and all the earth with the respect that they deserve, forgive us. And as we face these difficult days ahead, may we have a new birth of clarity in our aims, responsibility in our actions, humility in our approaches, and civility in our attitudes, even when we differ.

Help us to share, to serve and to seek the common good of all. May all people of good will today join together to work for a more just, a more healthy and a more prosperous nation and a peaceful planet. And may we never forget that one day all nations and all people will stand accountable before You. We now commit our new president and his wife, Michelle and his daughters, Malia and Sasha, into your loving care.

I humbly ask this in the name of the One who changed my life, Yeshua, Isa, Jesus [Spanish pronunciation], Jesus, who taught us to pray:

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen."

View Rick Warren's Inaugural Invocation, 2009

One Solitary Life

He was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another obscure village, where He worked in a carpenter shop until He was thirty. Then for three years, He was an itinerant preacher. He never had a family or owned a home. He never set foot inside a big city. He never traveled two hundred miles from the place He was born. He never wrote a book, or held an office. He did none of the things that usually accompany greatness. While He was still a young man, the tide of popular opinion turned against Him. His friends deserted Him. He was turned over to His enemies, and went through the mockery of a trial. He was nailed to a cross between two thieves. While He was dying, His executioners gambled for the only piece of property He had - His coat. When He was dead, He was taken down and laid in a borrowed grave. Two thousand years have come and gone, and today He is the central figure for much of the human race. All the armies that ever marched and all the navies that ever sailed and all the parliaments that ever sat and all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of man upon this earth as powerfully as this "One Solitary Life."

-"One Solitary Life," Radio City Christmas Spectacular, 2008 Edition

A Christmas Parable by Louis Cassels

Once upon a time there was a man who looked upon Christmas as a lot of humbug. He wasn’t a Scrooge. He was a kind and decent person, generous to his family, upright in all his dealings with other men. But he didn’t believe all that stuff about Incarnation which churches proclaim at Christmas. And he was too honest to pretend that he did. “I am truly sorry to distress you,” he told his wife, who was a faithful churchgoer. “But I simply cannot understand this claim that God becomes man. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

On Christmas Eve his wife and children went to church for the midnight service. He declined to accompany them. “I’d feel like a hypocrite,” he explained. “I’d rather stay at home. But I’ll wait up for you.”

Shortly after his family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window and watched the flurries getting heavier and heavier. “If we must have Christmas,” he thought, “it’s nice to have a white one.” He went back to his chair by the fireside and began to read his newspaper. A few minutes later he was startled by a thudding sound. It was quickly followed by another, then another.

He thought that someone must be throwing snowballs at his livingroom window. When he went to the front door to investigate, he found a flock of birds huddled miserably in the storm. They had been caught in the storm and in a desperate search for shelter had tried to fly through his window. “I can’t let these poor creatures lie there and freeze,” he thought. “But how can I help them?” Then he remembered the barn where the children’s pony was stabled. It would provide a warm shelter.

He put on his coat and galoshes and tramped through the deepening snow to the barn. He opened the door wide and turned on a light. But the birds didn’t come in. “Food will lure them in,” he thought. So he hurried back to the house for bread crumbs, which he sprinkled on the snow to make a trail into the barn. To his dismay, the birds ignored the bread crumbs and continued to flop around helplessly in the snow. He tried shooing them into the barn by walking around and waving his arms. They scattered in every direction - except into the warm lighted barn.

“They find me a strange and terrifying creature,” he said to himself, “and I can’t seem to think of any way to let them know they can trust me. If only I could be a bird myself for a few minutes, perhaps I could lead them to safety. . . .”

Just at that moment the church bells began to ring. He stood silent for a while, listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas. Then he sank to his knees in the snow. “Now I do understand,” he whispered. “Now I see why You had to do it.”

He is My Strength When I am Weak

There's a lot going on my life right now. Those that are closest to me are aware of my different current trials. I have to admit, over the last few months, I have genuinely felt as though I couldn't possibly handle everything and make it through all of this in one piece. I'm so tempted, every day, to sit in a puddle of pity and ask, "Why? How in the world can I possibly survive this?" I've done quite a bit of soul-searching recently. And through books, songs, conversations, and lots of prayer, God has revealed a few things to me. First of all, He has made me understand that I can't possibly survive all of this on my own. I need Him. I need Him. Thankfully, the Lord knows where I am weak, and it is there that He can truly demonstrate his Love and Strength. He's also shown me another over arching concept to soak in: It's not all about me. I'm hurting as a direct result of pain in the lives of people that I love dearly. How can I possibly feel sorry for myself, when they are the ones hurting so badly? So, with God's guidance, I have decided to (really attempt to) think of the other people's pain in each of these situations, rather than my own. It. is. not. all. about. me.

I've prayed continuously for months for God to use me in whatever ways necessary to make an impact within these circumstances. I'm not going to lie; it's hard. It's really hard, actually. Oftentimes, I just want to curl up in a ball and close out the world. But my Father is faithful to hold me up. I have been shocked by the perseverance that He has bestowed upon me in these different situations. Praise Him! I'm so thankful to rest in the fact that God is in control. He is not surprised by any of these events or emotions, because He knew of them before they even happened. I have faith that He has a ultimate plan as well as a path by which to arrive there. I just pray (very fervently) that I can be a vessel through which these plans can be achieved, and that with His help, I can be the a rock in the lives of the people that I love. That I can be strong where they are weak, and provide a shoulder to cry on, an understanding heart, and an encouraging word. God sometimes needs people to help facilitate His will. Somebody's got to do it. Here am I, send me.

Letter From Gena

The following is an update from Gena that she emailed to our ladies' prayer chain online:

Dear Sisters,

Thank you so very much for all of the cards, calls, visits, food, money, time, etc that you have given to Adam and I at this difficult time. We have truly seen the love of God in all that you have done for us. We could not make it without you. We consider all of you to be our family and we are so thankful for you.

This afternoon, we went to see the neuro-oncologist at Vanderbilt and got a very good report. Adam had a dysembroplastic neuroepilthelial tumor, grade 1. It is the best kind of tumor that you can have. It is cancer simply by definition. Cancer in the brain is different than tumors in other parts of the body, for they do not mastisize and spread to other areas. His tumor was unusual because it usually occurs in children. Because it is such a slow growing type of tumor they believe that it has been there for years. Neither Dr. Weaver (the surgeon) nor Dr. Moots (the oncologist) think that the symptoms that he was having had anything to do with the tumor. Therefore we are lead to believe that our Almighty God preformed a miracle through our eye doctor on October 17th. The only treatment for this type of tumor is regular MRIs to make sure that it is not growing. If a scan does show that it is growing (over the years), then he will have to have another operation or possibly radiation.

We are so thankful for all of your prayer and support. God is healing Adam. We praise God through whom all blessings flow! We love you all.

With love,

Gena

* * * Hallelujah! * * *

Praise God!

Adam came home yesterday! Yahoo!! He even came to church last night! He said he has missed over a week's worth of church, and there was no way that he was going to skip out again when he had the opportunity to go. Gena's parents came back into town yesterday, too, and brought Davis and Abby back along with them. They were so glad to see their daddy again. We were all glad to see him up and walking around. He's getting better and better each day. It's a slow process, but the Lord is holding his hand all along the way, and he is gradually regaining his strength. God deserves all the praise and glory!

Visit with the Hesselrode's

Well, it's been a little over a week since Adam had his brain surgery, and he's doing extremely well considering the magnitude of such a procedure. He's currently staying at one Vanderbilt's rehab facilities undergoing both physical and speech therapy. He doesn't quite have the energy to maintain his usual joking manner, and he's having a hard time remembering names even though he can recall everything else about you. But, he has been able to preserve his positive and joyous attitude. He's thrilled when he gets visitors and spends a majority of his day singing praises to God and reading scriptures that they've printed and posted on the walls all around his room. Adam and Gena are two of the strongest people and Christians that I have ever met. With their faith and the support system that they have been blessed with, I have all confidence that the Lord will bring them through this difficult time. Please continue to keep Adam's recovery and Gena's coping with the situation in your prayers.

Covered in Prayer

There are very few families that I respect more than the Hesselrode's, and few couples that I look up to more than Adam and Gena. They are incredible examples of Christians, spouses, parents, servants, and friends. They are currently in the midst of some trials. Adam has a tumor on his brain and will be going in for surgery to have it removed tomorrow.

In all of this, The Lord definitely deserves much praise right now. God sent a new eye doctor into their lives who noticed some irregularities in Adam's checkup and urged him to get further testing. These suggestions initiated some additional research which eventually led to the discovery of the tumor. However, the neurosurgeon says that the symptoms that prompted the investigation didn't necessarily have anything to do with the tumor at all. God was just using the circumstances to uncover the cyst sooner than may have been otherwise. Furthermore, the appointment to have it removed was scheduled within a week of the prognosis. The entire progression from first symptom to surgery has all taken place within one month! As bad as the situation is, the circumstances are truly piecing together in a way that only God could orchestrate. Praise Him!

Surgery is tomorrow morning, and they are nervous. Their families are nervous. Our whole church family is nervous. We all have total faith and trust in the Lord, but cannot deny our anxious feelings. Please keep this family in your prayers while they go through this process and recovery, and especially during surgery tomorrow, Oct 31st. Pray that Adam will be healed and that Gena may remain strong for Davis, Abby, and their unborn child. God will bless this family through this seemingly terrifying situation. I pray that we may also be blessed by witnessing their faith through this time of distress. Thank you for joining me in lifting Adam and his family up in prayer.

A Prayer for our Nation

A Prayer by Max Lucado - October 2008

Our friends lost their house

A co-worker lost her job

The couple next door lost their retirement

It seems that everyone is losing their footing
This scares us. This bailout with billions.

These rumblings of depression.

These headlines: ominous, thunderous-

“Going Broke!” “Going Down!” “Going Under!” “What Next?”

What is next?

We’re listening. And we’re admitting: You were right.

You told us this would happen.

You shot straight about loving stuff and worshipping money.

Greed will break your heart, you warned.

Money will love you and leave you.

Don’t put your hope in riches that are so uncertain.

You were right. Money is a fickle lover and we just got dumped..

We were wrong to spend what we didn’t have,

Wrong to neglect prayer and ignore the poor,

Wrong to think we ever earned a dime. We didn’t. You gave it.

And now, tell us Father, are you taking it?

We’re listening. And we’re praying.

Could you make something good out of this mess?
Of course you can. You always have.

You led slaves out of slavery,

Built temples out of ruins,

Turned stormy waves into a glassy pond

and water into sweet wine.

This disorder awaits your order. So do we.

Through Christ,

Amen

God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them. (Luke 18:7 NCV)