Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Bacon Extravaganza

Friday night was Man Night at the Mehaffeys. They lovingly entitled the event The Bacon Extravaganza. Sure, wives were also in attendence, but the evening was all about the men. Let me explain...

When Brad and His Boys get together, they get ridiculous. They start making jokes and speculating about "awesome events" and have a good time laughing about all of their outrageous ideas. Seriously, you get them together, and they just feed off each other. All of the wives simply look back and forth incredulously at each other, reassuring ourselves that none of these crazy things could ever possibly become reality. However, recent events have proven that they aren't afraid to follow through with some of their wild ideas.

Exhibit A: The Bacon Explosion. This is some Man Meat Concoction that they discovered online forever ago. Literally, I think they've been scheming ways to create it for nearly a year. Somehow, I really don't know how, it has actually happened. In real life. The event was so highly anticipated, that Brad was sending out two of Homer Simpson's Top Ten Bacon Quotes each day of the week leading up to the main attraction, just to further pump everybody up.

I, and every other woman present, made a point to have no part in the scenario; however, I'll attempt to walk you through the process, just so you can get a real grasp of the ridiculousness of it all.

First, they created a bacon weave by interlocking 2 lbs of bacon.

Then, they seasoned it with some sort of dry steak rub, before layering it with two more pounds of sausage.

They cooked another pound of bacon, and poured the cooked crumbles on top of the sausage layer.

Then they coated it all with some barbeque sauce.

Before rolling it all up into a big log of pig. (Gross!)

They encased the the bacon/sausage combo with the prepared bacon weave.

Then coated the whole thing with butter and more dry rub.

Here they are, all proud, with the finished, uncooked product.

They then grilled it for 3 hours.

After much care and many "extra special checks" and sessions of rebasting (and a legit cookout equipped with ordinary hamburgers and hot dogs, so we had real food to actually eat and fill up on), Wes gingerly brought the baby inside. Really, you would have thought he was introducing his first born son.

Seriously, the final presentation of the Bacon Explosion was so ridiculously extravagant, that we had to film it. They created a "human bridge" and even had We are the Champions playing in the background as a soundtrack to the momentous event. They ended with High Fives all around and a "slow clap" (not caught on film). I'm not joking. You have to see it to believe it.

They cut it up and served it as if it was a rare delicacy. I have to admit, the swiss roll effect is pretty impressive.

They gathered around for a big, simultaneous first bite of their creation. I believe the reaction was unanimous -- it was gross. Most of them could barely swallow a single bite. Wes proved his manhood by eating his entire piece, and Brad, having also completely finished his piece, was convinced that syrup would make it better. So, that's what he tried on his second piece. Second Piece, People! I'm telling you, it was insane. Completely out of hand. Double O - C (Out Of Control).

The girls couldn't even stomach to look at it. So the guys tried to decorate a plate of some B.E. to entice us into trying it. You have to give it to 'em; they really did pretty it up and make it look almost-appealing. I thought the side of Tums was an especially nice (and considerate) touch.

For your information, Brad did whip out his puppydog eyes and convince me to try a tiny bite. It meant so much to him, how could I resist? My reaction? Blegch!

Speaking of the girls. We really were there, just in the background of all the Bacon Explosion Hooplah. Here's some proof of our presense.

Final Note to Self: When the boys all get together, they will instigate each other to do the ridiculous. Given enough time, things that began as only off-the-wall ideas will eventually become reality. They are not ashamed. They will do absolutely outrageous things, just to prove to each other that they're brave enough to do it. Be careful. Be warned.

Final Conclusion, however: We have the best.friends.ever. Period.


Wolfman said...

It hasn't even gotten to the most ridiculous yet! Just wait!

Mr. Merlin said...

good AND good for you!

Anonymous said...

i don't know what you did wrong. We made it at work one night and it was like a piece of heaven.

Erin Howell said...

umm.. this is absolutely hilarious... and totally gross all at the same time. :)


that is the most disgusting thing ive ever heard of. roll of pig. nasty. but it sounds like they had a good time and the wives were good sports!

Bryan said...

technically this can't be a "meat" explosion if there's no beef....

Kimberly Washer said...

Mindy!! that is stinkin' hilarious!! I love reading your blog!! I know as soon as I get home and tell my husband about this he would want to do something similar with his friends!!

Ashley said...

this is too funny. Love that you put tums in there. ha! Didn't know you were friends with Stacey and Wes. Love them!

Amy Tilt said...

That is awesome. I'm gonna forward this to Ian. He actually asked for bacon for his birthday. So thats what he got. He would love to see how much fun ya'll had. He insists that everything is better with bacon on it.

Darlene said...

mmmm. who can resist a bacon extravaganza?? looks delish.

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